Even though my #1 reason for going clubbing is and always will be for the electronic dance music, getting hit on by foreign men (and sometimes flirting) is inevitably a part of the experience. I have to admit that getting the right kind of attention from the right kind of guy can propel a night from great to amazing.
After clubbing all around the world in the past two years, I have to say that I have come a full circle and that my favorite kind of men to get hit on by are Americans. Primarily because they demonstrate a willingness to buy or share drinks unparalleled in other countries. Hey, I know it’s not fair, but I’m a practical girl. Traveling and going out is expensive, and every bit of savings counts, ok? 😉
These are my impressions of how men flirt from different countries of the world, as seen by me chronologically ever since I started traveling in January 2014.
Brazilians are not afraid to give it their all when flirting with girls, usually saying some nice (but obviously BS) words then going in for the kiss barely a minute after talking to you. The things they say are invariably something like “you’re beautiful” or going a step further and saying “you’re the most beautiful girl in the club”, “you’re the most beautiful ‘japa’ girl I’ve ever seen.” For me, when these superlatives start to come out, my bullsh*t alarm starts to go off. However, from my observation Brazilian girls do get really happy when men say these things to them so these lines must work.
Every man in the Brazilian clubbing jungle is trying to kiss a girl. That’s their main reason for going out (unless they’re in a techno club, where, like in their international counterparts, no one talks to anyone). So, men also need to be somewhat original to get kisses. Several guys have tried the line on me: “Have you ever kissed a Brazilian guy?” My personal favorite is a follow-up of, “oh you have? Well, have you ever kissed a Brazilian guy as tall as me?” (Note: I did not kiss this guy)
If you say no, they either try to talk you into it and give it another try after a few moments, or they just move on to another girl to get kisses. A man can kiss a many girls in a night, in fact teenagers like to compete over it. Kissing 20 girls in a night is not unheard of. However, despite kissing many girls Brazilian men do not expect to take you home.
Oh, and forget getting drinks from them, because at their rate of talking to girls, if they get every girl a drink, they’d spend their months’ earnings by 1AM. It just doesn’t make sense for them to purchase drinks for girls since it’s easy to get kisses from girls. One interesting by-product from this culture in my opinion is that Brazilian guys are exceptionally thick-skinned and can handle rejection extremely well in life. This is in part because they have started at a young age to “practice” propositioning girls and find being rejected to be not a big deal – a good life skill to have, I’d say.
Anyway, to conclude, it was kind of annoying to me that I couldn’t “get to know” new guys in clubs if I didn’t want to kiss them from the start. It’s just such a big part of their culture that I could not get into. Oh well, onto the next country…
Argentinean men are aggressive and persistent, more so than Brazilians. Out of all the men I’ve been clubbing with, they’re my least favorite. In a club, I’ve had multiple men come up to me and try to kiss me, saying things like “but I’ve never kissed an Asian girl before!” (Bro, how is this my problem?) and when you say no to them, they don’t just leave like Brazilians, they still stick around like a fly and try to talk you into kissing them, corner you into the wall, and right before they give up they will say “are you sure you’re not going to kiss me?”
Sorry, but I just found Argentineans to be really annoying in clubs. No thank you.
Chileans are the most gentlemanly Latinos I’ve had the pleasure of going clubbing with. They are ones to approach you and ask “can I dance with you?” I never really know how to respond to this when asked in an EDM club (and in Santiago, even once at the Q-Dance hardstyle festival), I mean it’s not the pair dancing kind of music! I just kind of awkwardly smile and say “si, si, bailamos…” (“yes, yes, let’s dance…”) and start dancing alone. Leaving the Chilean kind of confused. It’s not that I don’t want to make friends with them, I just don’t want to dance with them salsa style…
Having male Chilean friends is also nice, because they would notice me being awkward and come in and save the day by announcing to the guy, “she’s accompanied!”
I really don’t have much to say about the “game” of Spanish (Catalan) men, even though I lived in Barcelona for a year. I just was not impressed. Most men ask me where I’m from and make comments about my race. But I will say one thing: Forget getting drinks from them. Bad Spanish economy coupled with a high youth unemployment rate leads to penny-pinching on Spaniards’ part, so they will not buy girls drinks. Don’t go with any expectations, though of course there are rare exceptions. Happened to me only once in my year of living in Spain, from a very very drunk guy that kept buying me drinks. Knowing that he’s Spanish, I felt bad that he might regret buying me drinks the next day that I actually turned down the free drinks towards the end.
My highlight of Spanish stinginess experience is when I went to a nightclub in Berlin and was approached by a Spanish guy from Valencia, who asked if I wanted to get a drink. When we got to the bar and ordered, he asked me if I have 3 euros because he ran out of money. And he later tried to kiss me and take me home. Facepalm.
I went to the United Kingdom in February of this year with no expectations for novelty. I expected the culture, architecture, and men to be like the United States. After all, we do have similar cultures and speak the same language. I’ve never really been one of those girls enamored with the British accent either. Well, I certainly didn’t expect to be so fascinated with the city as soon as I stepped off the plane. Everyone sounded like they’re straight out of Harry Potter, so proper!
I’ve recounted in my blog my first ever solo clubbing night out to Fabric. I had so many guys “hit on me” on my way to the club on the bus, inside the club, and even after I left the club. All were chatting with me in a friendly, non-sketchy way, sounding and acting like perfect gentlemen. I was hit on by white, Indian, and black British men and all were like that (where all the Asians at?)
In Fabric, this Londoner started talking to me, and ended up buying me a lot of drinks. Which was a welcomed surprise after living in Barcelona for half a year (see my above note about Spaniards). Given the fact that drinks in London were so expensive, the drinks were much appreciated. After about four hours of hanging out with him and his friends, the guy did try to kiss me, and I told him I just wanted to be friends. Sure, he was probably disappointed but being the gentlemen that he was, this British gentleman continued to hang out with me and even introduced me to all his friends.
So, I like British men. They’re courteous and friendly. And buy drinks.
I spent a month in Berlin over the summer of 2015. I rolled deep in techno clubs of the techno capital of the world. However, the techno scene is not conducive to a talking or flirting environment. Therefore, I don’t have that much experience being hit on by Germans. Also, the club scene in Berlin includes a lot of international people. I do find, though, that German guys are somewhat willing to buy girls drinks. They also offer little trinkets like cigarettes and drugs as tokens of good will. German guys are attractive and polite. I also find them to be more willing to hit on girls than the Dutch, doling out compliments like “I like the way you dance!”
I’ve been in the Netherlands for almost a year now and have noticed some broad trends in the men’s clubbing behaviors. I’ve also met a couple Dutch guys in clubs over the years around the world.
I find that Dutch men often approach you briskly and with a purpose. Then, they say something completely random to you that catches you off-guard. But they can also disappear as quickly as they have appeared. Dutch men in nightclubs are beautiful, elegant yet confusing creatures that always leave me scratching my head. Often, before I can even react, another one disappears into the night.
Plenty of puzzling behavior from Dutch men from club to club…
At the Ultra Europe Festival, a solo Dutch guy walked straight at me with a purpose from far away. Thought had something specific to ask, but he just said “where are you from?” Chatted with me a couple minutes and said goodbye quickly when his friends came, leaving me thinking, “why did you come talk to me…?”
At Ibiza, at a club called Sankeys, a solo Dutch guy calls out “Where are you from?” He was 2-3 meters behind me while going up the stairs. I turn around, a bit startled and said “Are you talking to me?” given the distance between us. He said yes. He was going to the bathroom and I chatted with him for a couple moments in front of the bathroom. Then he said he had to go to the bathroom and disappeared into the men’s room.
Next, at the Unlocked Festival in Utrecht, a Dutch guy dancing next to me turned to me and said something. After asking him to repeat himself in English, he said “I said, it’s hot in here.” I’m like “yeah it’s hot…” Guy walks off abruptly, even though he had already been dancing next to me for half an hour. It was as though he changed his spot deliberately after talking to me. Hmm… Maybe it was a hot spot.
A couple moments later, a Dutch guy walked straight up to me and said “I’m normally not attracted to Asians, but you’re really gorgeous.” “Geez thanks!” I responded. This is definitely a pickup line right? Nope, guy walks off after saying this to me.
Basically, Dutch men have left me going like “what?” in clubs. Is this a flirting tactic? The Internet says that Dutch men tend to be very passive because their women are aggressive. Maybe this is a passive aggressive tactic to get women to chase after them… Or maybe they are just enigmatic people.
The American is my favorite kind of guy: “Hey ladies!! Do you girls want a drink? We have a table!”
Americans are fun, like to go crazy, and “getting a girl a drink” is so engrained in the clubbing culture. If a guy wants a chance with any girl at the club, he is expected to buy drinks. Many women will take the free drinks and disappear. Not fair, but it’s how it works in the US – a capitalistic society where having game is not enough; money is needed to take you far in the clubbing world. If a guy is attractive but he doesn’t cough up a drink, the girl probably will lose interest quickly.
A guy pays his dues in terms of drinks and time spent talking and dancing with you. This is so that you feel like you “know” him. Then he’ll attempt to kiss you. Remember how in Brazil, men and women make out all the time without going home together? Unlike in Brazil, if an American girl kisses a guy, the guy has a very good chance of scoring that night.
So, there you have it, my observations of male-female behavior from years of rolling in the chaotic jungle that is the club world! What’s your international flirting experience?